Regulating Emotions

A feeling emerges in your body
Physical or emotional
Well, technically its both
Emotions are experienced physically in the body
But we generally do not wait long enough to feel them entirely

Instead
When we feel an emotion we do not like (e.g., anxiety, sadness, shame, etc.)
We habitually try to avoid it
By IMPULSIVELY eating
By IMPULSIVELY drinking or smoking
By IMPULSIVELY justifying
By IMPULSIVELY getting angry
By IMPULSIVELY checking the phone, email, media
By IMPULSIVELY shopping

We jump straight to the reactions
Straight to the rewards

So here is the drill:
We feel an unpleasant emotion
And then we reward ourselves!

It’s no wonder we keep on feeling unpleasant emotions…

Try this instead:
When you feel the pull towards the reward
Notice the emotion behind it
Feel it
Embody it
Get curious about it
Feel both the emotion and the impulsive pull toward the reward as one emotion
Feel them together
Notice where they are in every part of your body
Then after they fade (feelings generally fade when you acknowledge them properly)
And only after then
Reward yourself appropriately

Yes
You have just read some pure gold
Yes
This is not just a ‘good idea’
This is a real game-changer

Don’t jump straight to the reward
Feel it first in all its glory
Respect the feeling
Then reward yourself later